The 5 Things About Sex You Simply Can’t Change (and Why Accepting Them Makes Life Better)
Ever thought about how the Serenity Prayer could apply to your sex life?
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Turns out, it totally does. There are some unchangeable truths about sex — and embracing them can spare you and your partner a lot of unnecessary frustration. Here are five things worth accepting so you can focus on what really matters: pleasure and connection.
1. The placement of the clitoris.
The clitoral head isn’t exactly close to the vaginal opening, and that’s a big reason many women don’t climax from penetration alone. It’s often just not getting the right type or amount of stimulation. You can absolutely find ways to include more clitoral focus during intercourse (starting with not treating sex as simply “the old in-and-out”), but don’t stress if penetration doesn’t lead to orgasm every time. There’s more than one path to pleasure — and sex, in all its forms, is vast and varied.
2. The rest of your unique genital anatomy.
Everyone’s genitals are different — and that’s a good thing. Just because the G-spot is widely known doesn’t mean it’s a magic button for everyone. Maybe you or your partner enjoy it, maybe not. Maybe one person has longer inner labia than outer ones, or maybe someone’s penis isn’t the size porn makes you think it should be. So what? Real bodies are wonderfully diverse.
Instead of chasing unrealistic beauty or performance standards, celebrate what you’ve got. And please, skip unnecessary or risky procedures like G-spot injections, labiaplasty, or penile surgeries — they’re often ineffective and can do more harm than good.
Here’s another example of a physical trait that’s out of your control: your gag reflex. If deep-throating isn’t your thing, don’t force it. Using your hands and mouth creatively can feel just as good for your partner. Try wrapping your hand around the lower part of the shaft and moving it in sync with your lips — this mimics deep penetration without discomfort.
3. What naturally turns you on.
Your sexual preferences and fantasies are yours — and there’s no “correct” version of desire. As long as your fantasies don’t prevent healthy relationships, they’re perfectly valid. Maybe you get aroused by being tied up, spanked, or called names — that doesn’t make you a bad feminist or a bad person.
In fact, studies show that fantasies involving bondage, sadomasochism, voyeurism, and exhibitionism are among the most common. So don’t feel guilty about what excites you. Own your imagination, enjoy your fantasies, and stop judging yourself for them.
4. What turns your partner on.
Desire isn’t always symmetrical. Maybe you’re into kink while your partner prefers a more traditional approach — or vice versa. Maybe they love anal play and you don’t. Open communication and a willingness to compromise can help bridge differences, but sometimes those gaps just can’t be closed.
Trying to pressure your partner into doing something they dislike (or stopping something they genuinely enjoy) rarely leads to happiness. Take porn, for example. If your partner enjoys it and you can’t relate, laying down strict bans often backfires. One woman in her 30s said, “I used to hate him watching porn — it made me suspicious and him secretive. Once I realized it’s just fantasy, like my steamy vampire novels, I let it go.”
If you want, you can guide them toward more ethical, realistic, or feminist porn, maybe even something you both can enjoy together. At the very least, set respectful boundaries — for example, keeping it private and out of shared spaces.
5. The reality that sex always carries some risk.
Sex, like most things in life, comes with risks — from STDs to pregnancy, to the emotional stakes involved. That doesn’t mean you should fear it, but it does mean you should be smart about it.
Stay sober enough to make good choices, communicate openly about consent (ask and give it enthusiastically), and always use barrier protection and birth control when needed. The more confident you are in your and your partner’s safety, the easier it is to relax — and fully enjoy the experience.
Accepting these few unchangeable truths can make your sex life happier, healthier, and far less stressful. Once you stop trying to fix what isn’t broken, you open yourself up to the real magic: connection, creativity, and pleasure that’s authentic to you.
