Strap-ons, straps, harnesses, dildos, pegging — today we’re discussing the second most popular sex toy on the market. One of the biggest advantages of strap-ons is their versatility, making them enjoyable and empowering to wear and use. Pegging isn’t just for Pride month, but it’s a fantastic time of year to explore it! This guide will cover everything from what a strap-on is, to the different types available, and how to use one. Let’s begin from the basics…

What is a strap-on and why do people use them?
A strap-on consists of two parts: the harness and the sex toy. The harness secures a dildo to your body, allowing it to be used for penetration.

There are many different combinations of harnesses and sex toys that can be chosen based on personal preferences or what brings euphoric pleasure.

Who benefits from using strap-ons?
Some individuals enjoy strap-on sex as it allows them to experience penetration in a new way. For others, it is gender-affirming. Lesbians and vulva owners who have sex with other vulva owners often use strap-ons during penetration play beyond using fingers. However, strap-ons aren’t limited to Sapphic-identifying people.

For trans masculine individuals, wearing a strap can provide gender euphoria as well as sexual pleasure. It’s important to note that some trans and gender non-conforming (GNC) people avoid the term ‘strap’ due to its historical association with lesbians, instead opting for terms like ‘penis’ or variations. Additionally, there are harnesses designed to hold packers (prosthetic flaccid penises) for everyday wear.

‘Pegging’ refers to anal penetration with a dildo by one person on another, stimulating the prostate (the P-spot). While anyone can be pegged, the term most often describes a man or masculine-identifying person being penetrated by a woman or femme-identifying person. Language matters here, as different people feel comfortable with different terms, so finding the right words for you and your partners is essential.

You don’t need a partner to use a strap-on; it can be enjoyed solo. You can attach the strap to a pillow or use a suction-cup dildo on a firm surface for masturbation. Some straps are specifically designed for solo use, while others are better suited for partnered play, such as thigh straps.

Types of Strap-Ons and Accessories

Strap-on harnesses
There isn’t a single style of harness. The classic beginner harness wraps around the waist and thighs with an O-ring at the pubic area, which can fit various dildo sizes.

For trans men and masculine folks, a boxer brief harness offers a more gender-affirming, natural look and feel, functioning similarly to the classic harness. It can accommodate packers, bumpers, and dildos with balls.

A more unique type is the face strap, which enables someone to be penetrated while riding a partner’s face.

Best sex toys for strap-on use

Dildos are the most common toys used with harnesses. Typically, any dildo with a flared base works. For a realistic look and feel, dildos with veins and balls are available. For beginners, smooth, slightly curved dildos are friendlier.

Some dildos have twists and bumps for enhanced stimulation, but these might seem intimidating for beginners, so it’s best to gradually try more textured toys.

How to choose your first strap-on

Consider how you want to use it. If multiple users of different sizes will wear it, a harness with adjustable straps is ideal.

Think about what sex toys you want to use with it. If you want stimulation while wearing it, try a bumper that stimulates the wearer. Consider toy sizes — if you’re new to penetration, a harness that fits smaller toys or multiple sizes is helpful.

Choose what makes you feel the most euphoric. Many trans+ folks find boxer brief harnesses most affirming, though others prefer classic beginner harnesses.

How to use a strap-on for the first time

For the wearer (‘strapper’ or ‘top’), it might feel awkward or intimidating at first. Getting familiar with your strap-on is key to ensuring your partner feels no discomfort.

Trying it solo first helps you figure out how to secure it comfortably and affirmingly. Wear it while watching TV or walking to get used to it. Masturbating with the strap-on helps you learn how to move naturally and discover pleasurable sensations while wearing it.

Tips for your first strap-on sex experience

If you’re the strapper penetrating someone:

  • Use plenty of lube — more is better!

  • Maintain open communication with your partner so they can guide you.

  • Ask questions like “Is this okay?” or “Am I going too fast?” to give your partner control and enhance their pleasure.

  • Start with other sexual acts before penetration, such as oral or manual stimulation.

  • When thrusting, go slow to build confidence and adjust to the new experience.

If you’re the receiver (‘bottom’), communicate clearly about what feels good or if you need adjustments like changing positions or more lube — your comfort and safety matter.

Best beginner strap-on positions

Having control during your first experience is essential to set the pace and depth. For first-timers, going slow is important. Doggy-style allows you to lower yourself slowly for controlled penetration, while spooning offers gentle, shallow penetration.

Strap-on aftercare

Strap-on sex can be emotionally significant for both partners. Afterward, check in with each other about what felt good and share desires for the future. Then, clean up — shower or bathe and have some self-care time. Afterwards, clean your strap-on.

Cleaning your strap-ons

Cleaning depends on materials. Fabric harnesses may be machine washable, but leather or latex need special care. Check packaging or manufacturer guidelines.

Most dildos and packers clean with soap and water. Glass, steel, and silicone toys can often be boiled for sterilization — check instructions. Battery-powered vibrators should be cleaned carefully or with wipes to avoid water damage.

Common myths about strap-on sex

  • Myth: “Men who enjoy pegging are gay”
    Not true! Men or penis owners who enjoy pegging aren’t necessarily gay. It can be about prostate pleasure or exploring new sensations, regardless of sexual orientation.

  • Myth: “Only lesbians use straps”
    Strap-ons are used by people of all sexualities and gender identities. Some lesbians use them, others don’t; they’re not essential for vulva-on-vulva intimacy.

  • Myth: “There’s no point if you can’t feel it”
    Even without nerve endings on the dildo, the wearer can feel pleasure from grinding, thrusting, and stimulation of the pubic area or clitoris. Many find giving pleasure fulfilling; some tops even orgasm from wearing a strap-on.

To strap or not to strap…

Ultimately, the choice is yours. Regardless of gender or orientation, learning to use a strap-on can be freeing and fun. Only you know if and when you’re ready to bring one into your sex life, and these tips can help you on that journey.