One of the most frequently asked questions we receive from heterosexual women is, “How can I orgasm during sex with my partner?” Some even want to know how to experience simultaneous orgasms during penetration, every single time. If this is you, unfortunately, you're out of luck—if we knew the answer, we’d probably be richer than Oprah! Sex is complex, and countless factors influence individuals and sexual experiences, so no one can promise consistency. However, here are 10 things we do know that can help increase your chances of orgasmic success with a partner…

  1. Don’t View Sex as Just Intercourse
    If you’ve been defining “sex” purely as penile penetration, you’ve made a mistake. You may have tried many different intercourse positions, but it’s not always the position that will make the difference—it might be oral sex, manual stimulation, or a combination of both. There’s no shame in achieving orgasm through means other than intercourse. In fact, most women don’t orgasm through intercourse. Nor is there anything wrong with you having your orgasm first, then your partner having theirs. Remember, especially for women, sex doesn’t always follow a straight path. Your orgasm doesn’t need to happen at the same time as his, and vice versa. You might also find it easier to continue after your first orgasm, while he might struggle more with this.

  2. Focus on the Clitoral Area
    Intercourse alone often isn’t enough to bring most women to orgasm, given the distance between the clitoris and the vaginal opening, as well as how crucial clitoral stimulation is for orgasm. So, don’t forget to add extra stimulation to your vulva’s upper area, whether through your own hand, your partner's hand, a small vibrator, or even a helpful neighbor's hand… whatever works!

  3. Master the Coital Alignment Technique
    Learn it, live it, love it! Any position where your bodies are close together is beneficial, as it generates more friction, which results in increased stimulation for her, both clitorally and vulvarly.

  4. Consider a Vibrating Love Ring
    Think about adding a vibrating love ring to your routine, like the ones from LELO or GoodVibes. The vibrating sensation could be just the addition your intercourse life has been missing. Ever heard a guy say, “Why doesn’t my penis vibrate like that?” Well, now it can!

  5. Teach Your Partner What Works for You
    If you can orgasm on your own, try showing your partner what works for you. Be specific about your needs, but keep in mind that some guys may not like being told what to do. They might feel that sex should be more spontaneous and may not appreciate instructions, fearing it could diminish their masculinity. If this isn’t a deal breaker for you, feel free to communicate your desires with care, but don’t do so at the cost of asking for what you want and need.

  6. Masturbate, Masturbate, Masturbate
    If you find it hard to orgasm alone, forget everything else for now and focus on masturbation! Often! Treat yourself to a vibrator, set a romantic mood, and let things flow. Many women find it easier to figure out what works for them on their own first. Even if you can orgasm alone, changing up your masturbation habits by trying different techniques and rhythms can make a big difference when you’re with a partner.

  7. Embrace Sex Toys
    If your partner is insecure about sex toys, remind them that toys don’t cuddle or engage in pillow talk! There are numerous great options for couples, such as vibrating love rings, finger toys that take manual play to the next level, and small vibrators that fit comfortably between your bodies.

  8. Don’t Forget the Lube
    Have you used lube today? Remember, lubricant isn’t a crutch—it makes the entire experience smoother and more enjoyable, especially when you’re experimenting with different techniques. Plus, it prevents irritation and discomfort, saving your sensitive areas from unnecessary friction.

  9. Don’t Overthink Your Orgasm
    It sounds tough, we know, but stressing over your orgasm will actually make it less likely to happen. Keep experimenting with the techniques we’ve shared, but don’t view orgasm as the ultimate goal. Think of it more as a way to improve your sex life. Orgasm tends to work like a cat—if you stop focusing on it, it’s more likely to show up.

  10. Be Patient
    Just because your orgasm hasn’t arrived yet doesn’t mean it never will. Orgasm is a mysterious thing, and sometimes it takes time for everything to fall into place. Remember, long-term relationships come with benefits, like sharing pleasurable moments together.

While we don’t want to sound like a self-help book, when it comes to sex, the journey is just as important as the destination. Every woman deserves the chance to orgasm with her partner, and we understand the frustration that can arise when that doesn’t happen. But don’t forget to appreciate the connection and fun in your relationship—after all, a happy time together is the best foundation for orgasmic moments together.

Gooooooooooo sex!