Strap-ons, harnesses, dildos, pegging – today we’re diving into one of the most popular sex toys out there. The beauty of strap-ons lies in their adaptability: they’re fun, empowering, and versatile for many different kinds of intimacy. Pegging isn’t reserved just for Pride season (though that’s a perfect moment to explore it!). In this beginner’s guide, we’ll break down what a strap-on is, the types available, and how to start using one.
What is a strap-on and why use it?
A strap-on consists of two main parts: the harness and the toy. The harness secures a dildo or other toy to the body, allowing for penetrative play.
There’s no single way to use a strap – different harnesses and toys allow for unique experiences depending on your desires, comfort, or what feels affirming.
Who uses strap-ons?
People turn to strap-ons for many reasons. For some, it’s a way to experience penetration from a new perspective; for others, it affirms their gender. Many lesbians and vulva-owners who are intimate with each other use strap-ons to explore penetrative play beyond hands or fingers.
For transmasc folks, strapping can be both physically pleasurable and a powerful source of gender euphoria. Still, not everyone identifies with the word “strap” because of its historic ties to lesbian culture – some may simply say “penis” or use another term. Harnesses also exist for everyday wear, such as those designed to hold packers (prosthetic penises) comfortably in place.
“Pegging” refers to anal penetration with a strap-on, most often involving a woman/femme penetrating a man/masc partner and stimulating the prostate (the P-spot). Of course, anyone can enjoy pegging – the labels and language used should always reflect what feels best for those involved.
And remember: you don’t need a partner to try a strap-on! Solo use is also common. Some people attach them to pillows, use suction dildos on surfaces, or buy harnesses designed for solo play, such as thigh straps.
Types of Strap-Ons and Accessories
Harnesses
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Classic harness: Wraps around the waist and thighs with an O-ring to hold a dildo. Great for beginners.
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Boxer-brief harness: Especially popular among trans men/masc folks for a gender-affirming, natural feel. Can hold packers, dildos, or toys with balls.
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Face harness: A more niche option that allows for face-riding combined with penetration.
Toys for strapping
The most common choice is the dildo – any dildo with a flared base will usually fit into a strap.
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Realistic dildos (with veins, balls, or lifelike textures) suit those looking for authenticity.
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Beginner-friendly dildos are smaller, smooth, and slightly curved.
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Textured dildos with twists or ridges provide more intense sensations, though they may feel intimidating at first. Beginners should start small and gradually work up.
Choosing Your First Strap-On
When picking your first set-up, think about:
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Fit: Do you want an adjustable harness that works across different body types?
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Pleasure for the wearer: Some harnesses include bumpers or double-ended toys so the strapper can feel stimulation too.
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Size: Beginners may prefer smaller dildos or versatile harnesses with multiple O-rings to swap toy sizes as they explore.
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Euphoria factor: For many trans+ folks, boxer-brief harnesses feel affirming, while others may prefer a standard beginner harness.
Getting Comfortable with a Strap-On
For the person wearing the harness (the “strapper” or “top”), it may feel strange at first. Take time to get familiar with it – wear it around the house, adjust the straps, even watch TV with it on to see how it moves with your body. You can also experiment with solo play, like stroking or grinding, to get a feel for positioning and control.
Tips for First-Time Strap-On Sex
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Use plenty of lube – you can never have too much.
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Communicate constantly: Since the strapper can’t feel what the toy feels like, feedback from the receiver is essential. Ask things like “Is this speed okay?” or “Should I slow down?” to give the bottom control over pace and depth.
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Ease in slowly: Start with foreplay (oral, fingers, hands) before penetration.
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Take it slow when thrusting: Build rhythm and confidence gradually.
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For receivers: Speak up if you want adjustments, more lube, or a position change – your comfort and pleasure matter.
Best Positions for Beginners
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Doggy style: Lets the bottom control depth and speed by moving at their own pace.
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Spooning: Provides shallow, gentle penetration and keeps things intimate.
Aftercare
Strap-on play can be intense emotionally as well as physically. Take time afterward to check in, cuddle, or talk about what worked. Then, clean yourself and your gear.
Cleaning Strap-Ons
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Harnesses: Fabric harnesses may be machine washable; leather or latex need specialized care. Always check manufacturer guidelines.
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Toys: Silicone, glass, or steel dildos can often be boiled; otherwise, soap and water usually suffice. Battery-powered vibrators need more delicate cleaning (wipes are safer).
Common Strap-On Myths
“Only lesbians use strap-ons.”
False – people of all genders and orientations use them. It’s about pleasure, not identity.
“Men who like pegging must be gay.”
Not true – enjoying prostate play doesn’t define sexual orientation. Pegging can be thrilling for anyone.
“What’s the point if the top can’t feel it?”
While the dildo itself has no nerves, the wearer gets sensation from grinding, thrusting, and giving pleasure. Many even orgasm from strapping.
Final Thoughts
Whether solo or partnered, same-sex or different-sex, strapping can open up exciting new ways of exploring pleasure. If you feel ready, learning how to use a strap-on can be freeing, fun, and deeply affirming. Sex should be about discovery and joy – so when the time feels right, strapping might just become a highlight of your erotic journey.
